Dr. Brené Brown, renowned researcher and storyteller, has given us many powerful insights and tools for living with more authenticity and courage. Many I have used over the years personally in my own life and professionally with my clients. One of her most practical—and one of my favorite—concepts is what she calls “Living BIG.” BIG is an acronym that stands for Boundaries, Integrity, and Generosity—a framework to help us navigate relationships with clarity and compassion.
At its heart, Living BIG is about learning how to be generous in our assumptions about others, while still protecting our own well-being and authenticity.
Let’s break it down.
B – Boundaries
The first step in Living BIG is setting clear and healthy boundaries. Without them, we can quickly fall into resentment, burnout, or passive-aggressive behavior. Boundaries allow us to be honest about what we’re comfortable with, what we can give, and what we need to say no to. They protect our energy and help others know how to engage with us respectfully. Simply put, they are our “yes” and our “no.”
I – Integrity
Brené write often that integrity means choosing courage over comfort. It means staying true to our values, even when it’s hard. When we live in our integrity, we make decisions that align with who we are and what we believe, rather than simply trying to please others. It’s about acting from a place of authenticity.
G – Generosity
Generosity, in this context, is about how we interpret the actions of others. Brené encourages us to assume the most generous possible explanation for people’s behavior—within the boundaries we’ve set and while maintaining our integrity. For example, instead of assuming a colleague is ignoring you on purpose, you might consider that they’re overwhelmed with work. This mindset fosters compassion and reduces unnecessary conflict. With healthy boundaries in place, and while living out our integrity, we can be more generous with our assumptions or interpretations of others.
Living BIG helps us strike a balance between kindness and self-respect. It’s a way to show up in the world with empathy, without sacrificing our own emotional health. When we practice this, our relationships become more authentic, less burdened by unspoken expectations or simmering resentment.
In Brené’s words, “Generosity cannot exist without boundaries.” When we embrace this idea, we give ourselves permission to care deeply—about others and ourselves—without guilt or exhaustion.
Here are some practical ways to start practicing Living BIG in everyday life:
1. Get Clear on Your Boundaries
Take time to reflect on what is okay and what is not okay for you in different areas of life—work, friendships, family, and so on. Write these down. Clear boundaries help you communicate your needs honestly, rather than expecting others to guess or causing yourself added stress later.
You can practice saying simple boundary-setting phrases like:
“I’m not available for that today.”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I need time to think about this before I commit.”
2. Check in with Your Integrity
Before saying yes to something, ask yourself:
Does this align with my values?
Am I doing this out of guilt or obligation?
Will I feel good about this choice later?
Trying to decide between multiple options, which choice best aligns with your values?
Choosing integrity helps you avoid resentment and stay true to yourself.
3. Practice Generous Assumptions
When someone’s words or actions trigger you, pause and ask:
What’s the most generous assumption I can make about this situation?
Maybe they’re stressed, distracted, or unaware of how they came across. This mindset can soften unnecessary conflict and cultivate empathy.
4. Have Compassion for Yourself
Living BIG isn’t about perfection. You’ll have moments when you miss a boundary or jump to a negative assumption—that’s okay! Treat yourself with the same kindness and generosity you’re trying to extend to others. Learn and move forward.
5. Start Small
You don’t have to change your entire life overnight. Try applying Living BIG to one relationship or one area where you tend to feel drained or resentful. Notice how things shift when you show up with clear boundaries, integrity, and generosity.
Hear from Brown and her sister in a 2 part podcast on Living BIG!
Part 1: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/living-big-part-1-of-2/
Part 2: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/living-big-part-2-of-2/
