Words That Can Change Your Life: “Let Them”
Have you heard about the Let Them Theory? It's the title and subject of Mel Robbins’ latest book, and it has been getting a lot of attention. It’s a new philosophy that has really struck a chord for many people because it’s incredibly simple and freeing. Robbins’ book on the topic has hit the #1 spot on Amazon Chart (22 weeks and counting), New York Times Bestseller, Sunday Times Bestseller, Amazon Bestseller, and Audible Bestseller; I think the clearly speaks to relatable this book is and the shared application of mindset presented in this way of thinking. It’s not a formal psychological theory, but it has its roots in Stoicism, Buddhism, Radical Acceptance and Detachment Theory. Here’s what I like about this practice:
1. Freedom from control.
The basic idea is: “If they want to do ____ (fill in the blank), let them.”
Instead of stressing about other people’s choices, behaviors, or opinions, just let them. It frees you from the exhausting work of managing or attempting to fix everything and everyone.
2. Reduces emotional burnout.
Trying to control others or emotionally reacting to them drains your energy. Especially in citations where you don’t have control, our emotional reactions can drain us which it doesn’t change the person or the situation either. This mindset helps you focus on your own boundaries, peace, and well-being. It relieves you of the pressure or weight of trying to understand or change others.
3. Improves relationships.
Ironically, when you stop trying to control people, you often create healthier, more respectful relational dynamics. You let people be who they are, and you show up as your authentic self too.
4. Encourages self-reflection.
Instead of focusing outward (e.g., "Why are they acting like that?"), you start asking more useful inward questions like:
“Why does this bother me?”
“What do I need right now?”
“What am I willing to tolerate or not tolerate?”
5. Boundary building**.**
By letting people act they way they choose to, they are showing you who they are. You can gather helpful information to inform boundaries you need for your well-being. You can adjust your boundaries to what is safe and comfortable for you. You can also set your expectations with healthy boundaries.
6. It's empowering.
It’s not passive. It’s a practice step. It’s actually about taking your power back. You're not giving up or “rolling over” to what may be hurtful or confusing; you’re choosing not to waste energy where it doesn’t serve you.
There is more…
Okay, so there is a Part 2 to this Let Them Theory…after you let them, you get to let me…meaning focus on what you can control. This is where you embrace self-compassion, reclaim your power, take personal responsibility, attend to what you can do and let yourself do that.
I recommend this book if you’re tired of people-pleasing, overthinking, or stressing about what others are doing.
Here is a short podcast by Robbins about this theory: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-70/
